long time

been a really long time since I posted anything here.  lots have happened - hubby retired, had total knee replacement that bothers him more now than before he had it done, I fought breast cancer, daughter still living at home which I enjoy but I am so tired of being a "slave".  she is up late most nights and then sleeps late the next day only to decide she wants to clean and needs help at 11 in the evening.  Hubby attitude has not improved and in fact continues to deteriorate it seems.  We seldom do anything together.  We do go to Bingo every week but other than that we are here with me on the computer and him reading continuously.  wish he would get a part time job or maybe I should but every time I mention it he gets a bit angry though he won't admit it.  just tired of being a doormat for everyone here.  at times feel very unloved and wonder why I am still even trying.  From him got NOTHING for birthday or Valentines and don't expect anything for anniversary that is in 2 weeks.  bought him a new wedding ring though I wonder why on that as well.  can't vent on FB cause daughter will read it and get upset and I don't want that.  she is already on anti-depressants. maybe that is what I need.  just feeling totally worthless anymore.  I work my butt off trying to get things organized only to have to bring things out of daughter's room and mess up what I have already tried to do.  Hubby took over doing the dishes when he retired but unless I nag or bribe him they sit for days at a time before he finally does them and lately I get fed up and do them myself which is happening more and more frequently.  oh well enough complaining cause I know it doesn't do me any good..  am going to try and keep this up more though I am the only one who will ever see it.

almost there

Ok been a long time since I posted but felt the need to update. Hubby is closing in on the end of his treatment - so far he is undetectable!  His blood count was low last week so she reduced one med to 1/2 what it was and he has to get blood work done again tomorrow and then if it is still low she will take him off that med entirely.  Either way December 29th is the latest he will be on the meds - maybe then he will start to feel better and things will start to get back to normal.  He missed 2 days of work this week due to not feeling well.

Daughter has been under the weather for a couple of days now - think she picked up a bug but not sure where.

Got a new cardiologist a couple of months back who jumped right in and got tests done in a very short period of time and changed some of meds. I feel better - don't seem to be as easily exhausted - I figured it was the fact that my bp wasn't totally under control.  I do have some carotid blockage that he is going to keep an eye on for now.  Otherwise doing ok - have to have a sleep study done next week - was originally scheduled for this week but postponed due to daughter being sick.

finally something goes right

After a rough weekend with him yelling at me for the first time in 35 years something has finally gone right!  Went to his Hep C dr in Muskogee yesterday and his viral load was Undetectable after 4 weeks!  Now to sustain that for 12 weeks test and then for another 12 weeks of the riba/pegasys treatment. Hopefully after that it will be all over and one with!

On a more personal note don't care for the cardiologist I was sent to - no concern at all for family history of heart disease and ordered tests that won't be done for over a month and then doesn't want to see me for another month after that?? WTF?? Shows a lot of concern huh?  Oh well, will talk to dr. r about it on Tuesday of next week and go from there.

And treatment starts

On Friday 7/ 15 hubby started his latest treatment for his hep C.  Felt great all day and I was totally shocked!  Even with the new med added no problems.  Saturday the same except a little more tired.  Sunday didn't feel too well but when I pushed him to drink for fluids he felt better. He really needs to remember to drink drink drink!  Yesterday was Catherine's birthday - hard to believe she is 22 years old. :(  My baby is all grown up now I guess.  Just wish she could meet someone special.  Anyway, back to treatment, yesterday he went to work and while he was exhausted he didn't feel too terribly bad. Hoping it keeps up. Not sure if the new med added is counteracting some of the side effects of the others or what but I'm not going to complain. We can deal with tiredness, and a couple of the other things he has going on as long as he doesn't get too terribly sick.

Not sure why I keep this blog as no one will ever see it most likely.

tired

so tired of being ignored or shut out. I know it is his Hep C but that doesn't make it right that he treats us like crap half the time.  Seems so much like it was 8 years ago when things started falling apart.  There are moments of intense sweetness when I know that he loves us deeply but those are coming fewer and farther between.  He is once again pushing us away like he doesn't want us to help him thru the next treatment - thing is I know if we weren't here he wouldn't do the treatment at all.  I love him with all my heart but I am tired of being hurt and feeling like I am a piece of furniture - just there when he needs it or wants it.    Catherine has been in tears because of the way he treats her - not abusive in a physical sense but he ignores her or pretends he is listening when all of his attention is really on the tv or on the book he is currently reading.  I wont' leave - I love him too much for that but how much of this can I tolerate even before he starts the new meds?  Am I hurting all of us more by putting up with it?  With the grace of God I hope things will level out soon.

updates

Been a super long time since I posted so it is catch up time.  Our old family dr came back to town and we immediately transfered to him - he took one look at the fact that I have a dry naggy cough (have had for over 2 years) and took me off the bp meds I was on. I knew that was the problem but the other dr wouldn't listen to me.  within just a few days my cough was almost totally gone - however now we have new issues, my pulse rate is way to fast caused by my heart not pumping enough blood and pumping twice as fast to keep up with what I need.  So now on different bp meds and I have an appt with a cardiologist in a couple of months.  Frank went to the dr for a routine follow up yesterday and he discovered a slight heart murmur so now he is on heart meds as well as water pills etc.  We are hoping it doesn't interfere with him starting the new Hep C treatment.  He hasn't been feeling well for some time now and I just want us back to the way things were before.  Also in the change we found out that the stupid dr we had before had put a weird notation on Catherine (my daughter)'s chart that read AAA which in the medical field stands for Aortic Abdominal anuerysm!  WTF!  I swear that guy is a quack with a captial Q!  Things need to slow down for us but don't see that happening anytime soon.  Oh and we went to AZ for vacation in April and the day after we got back I developed walking pneumonia and was sick for almost a month!  Please Lord I need a break!

day to day

Had a fantastic Thanksgiving in IL with my sister and family.  My cough was pretty much gone as well. We came home on sunday, stopped and bought an early Christmas present for the family of a big screen tv and a wii system. The minute we walked into the house I started coughing again!  something in here is really kicking up my allergies. not sure what but seems some major cleaning is in order. Ugh I hate to clean!